The Last Summer Pt 2

This summer was the last summer of what remained of my childhood. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. So sudden, I didn’t know how to feel. Lying awake at night, thinking if all the times I should have called and tried harder to visit. What could have been done differently. What I should have done differently. This is the most alone I’ve ever felt. I know you both are still here in spirit, but everything feels cooler now. Percocets and liquor keep the guilty trapped in their own world. Oblivious and ignorant to the rest. It’s time for the rest to come together, leaving the ignorant behind. It’s time for me to learn to heal. But where do I even start. Do I start with my present grief, or the grief built up from years ago. The loss of innocence too early on. It’s too much to take on all at once. I don’t know if I can do it alone. Afraid to open Pandora’s box and let the chaos of emotions run out, trampling over the poor soul who happens to be in its path. So I keep the gate to my heart shut. So no ones gets trampled. Meanwhile, my heart is ready to split in two from everything building up inside. It’s not time yet. When will it be time? Will it be too late? It aches everyday, but I cannot give into it, not yet. I need to build an arc to sail them over the wave that’s waiting to come crashing out. I can’t bear for the one who opens it to disappear in its depths. Leaving me alone again, only this time to drown in the sea of tears.